Providing care for a person with schizophrenia is a difficult job that requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and dedication. Leaving aside daily struggles, caregiving can also bring to the surface A WIDE VARIETY OF EMOTIONS. Some of these emotions exist from the start, as many caregivers find themselves thrown into the role unexpectedly, and adjusting can be very stressful. Other emotions surface only after you have been caregiving for a while.

As a caregiver, you may experience both POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS .
Some days, caregiving may provide a deep sense of fulfillment and connection, along with feelings of respect, empathy, joy, and gratitude. Other days it may bring feelings of guilt, anger, shame, fear, anxiety, loneliness, or disappointment. You may also feel frustration, impatience, lack of appreciation, jealousy, irritability, and being overwhelmed. There may be a possibility for conflicting feelings to arise such as love and resentment being experienced simultaneously; these emotions may appear in various ways on a daily basis.

Experiencing all these emotions can become GRUELING , and if not closely monitored, they
will wear you down. You may think that this will not happen to you because you love the person you take care of. But after some time, the negative emotions that we tend to bury come up. In the long term, they can take a toll on even the most dedicated caregivers, both physically and emotionally.

So how can you avoid burnout and feeling overwhelmed? It is essential for you to know that it is COMMON to experience a broad spectrum of emotions, including negative ones. Each and every one of your emotions about caregiving either positive or negative are perfectly reasonable and important, apart from being allowed and expected. Having all these emotions means that you are human. Do not try to avoid them. Ignoring your feelings and telling yourself that you must
stay “strong” for your loved one or for the whole family is not the answer. Most psychologists
agree that avoiding your feelings is not a sign of strength; actually, it takes more courage to face your emotions than to avoid them.

Coming to terms with your emotions is also HEALTHIER. Acknowledging and expressing
your emotions can make you physically and mentally more resilient to stress and infections. In contrast, holding your emotions inside can weaken your immune system and expose you to a greater risk for conditions such as heart disease, cancer, or diabetes. Not paying attention to your feelings, and especially to expressing them, can lead to poor sleep, overeating, substance abuse, depression, and anxiety.

UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS AND POINT THEM TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
Rather than avoiding your emotions, you can use them to learn new things about yourself
and your loved one. When you give yourself permission to have feelings and recognize that
your feelings do not control your actions, your negative emotions will either subside or be easier to handle. In the long run, this will enable you to provide better care for your loved one, but it will also help you to take care of yourself.
As every caregiving experience is different, there are NO “RIGHT” OR “WRONG” FEELINGS . In order to provide the best care possible, it is helpful to be familiar with the type
of feelings that could come about, ways of detecting them, and strategies of dealing with them.

The following strategies are aimed at helping you cope with complex emotions that are experienced by numerous caregivers on a daily basis.

Although caregiving is most of the time challenging, it can also be a REWARDING EXPERIENCE. Allowing yourself to experience positive emotions is not about pretending that things aren’t difficult or that you are not stressed. It is also not about pretending you are not experiencing negative emotions, because that is normal and valid. However, you can experience positive emotions alongside negative ones, even in great stress. Positive emotions have unique benefits, independent of the effects of negative emotions. By giving yourself the permission to FOCUS ON YOURSELF, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day, you will be able to enjoy the positive moments and not let caregiving take over every aspect of your life.

Experiencing positive, rewarding feelings has multiple benefits, for both you and your loved one, as they reduce the physical effects of stress and can make both of you live longer. Moreover, we are “hardwired” in a way that tending to the needs of others
helps reduce anxiety. Increasing the positive can help boost your reservoir of personal resources to cope better with your hardships and challenges. It can also make you a better caregiver and improve your relationship with the person you care for.
 

Learning positive emotion skills can help you experience more positive emotions and reduce anxiety. Practicing these skills every day will take you a long way ahead to a rewarding journey as a caregiver.
NOTICE THE POSITIVE. Be mindful of the positive things present in your life rather than reducing your focus to the negative ones.
CAPITALIZE ON POSITIVE EVENTS. Savor your positive feelings by sharing them with others, making written notes of them, reminiscing on the event later.
PRACTICE MINDFULNESS. Be mindful of being present and disregard the judgement. You can incorporate mindfulness into the most basic daily activities like brushing teeth or washing dishes.
BE AWARE OF YOUR STRENGTHS. Acknowledging the personal resources you hold and how to make use of them in your life will greatly reduce the feeling of helplessness.
SET ATTAINABLE GOALS. Choose challenging goals, but not overly, just enough to allow you to experience accomplishment and success without getting overwhelmed.
 
Compassion
Compassion is a person’s ability to feel a sympathetic concern for another person’s suffering, usually accompanied by a strong desire to ease that suffering. Of all the things you do as a caregiver, establishing a COMPASSIONATE CONNECTION with your loved one is probably the most important. It is the essence of being a caregiver.
Compassion enables individuals to soften their hearts towards others and engage in honest communication. When caregiving is done with compassion, you build trust and form a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your loved one. For you, this can change the entire caregiving experience from challenging to rewarding. For them, it has a significant positive impact on their life quality.
There are many ways in which you can show compassion towards your loved one: through small acts of kindness, by truly dedicating your time to them, or by seeing the person behind the illness. But most importantly, by BEING PRESENT AND GENUINELY LISTENING.
 
Respect
The desire for respect and dignity is among our most important human needs. Although offering a loved one help with maintaining a sense of dignity counts, there are many things you can do to make sure that they get well-deserved respect.
 
RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.
Most of the time, people with schizophrenia live in the same household as their caregivers. This has many advantages, but it can also increase their stress if they feel you invade their private space, you are overprotective, or try to run
every aspect of their lives. Besides their physical privacy, you should also respect their emotional privacy and not discuss confidential information with others without their permission.
 
RESPECT THEIR RIGHT TO MAKE CHOICES.
Let your loved one have a sense of control over their life by choosing what they wear or what they eat, for example. If you find it more helpful, try to offer several choices. If their choice is not important in your opinion, try to understand the reasons why it may be important to them. If you find their choice to be dangerous, try to encourage them by offering alternatives or negotiating possible solutions.
 
INVOLVE THEM IN DECISIONS RELATED TO THEIR CARE.
Taking decisions without involving your loved one is possible to make them feel disconnected and undervalued. Make sure they are part of the discussions that affect their care. This will increase their feeling of being valued and in control, and therefore their adherence to treatment.
 
LISTEN TO THEM.
Even if they have difficulties in expressing themselves, listen to their concerns, ask for their opinion, and try to include them in the conversation. Making your loved one feel respected lowers their distress and increases their comfort. Moreover, respect provides you with mutual understanding, facilitates better communication, and builds a stronger connection.
 
Gratitude
It can be hard to be thankful when every day seems to hold a new challenge. And that’s all right. Being grateful does not mean ignoring how hard caregiving can be. It is about finding something to be thankful for each and every day. When you are able to do that, you get a different perspective and the comforting thought that things are not bad all the time.
 
Gratitude can work wonders in restoring your well-being and has a multitude of benefits for your mental and physical health: it reduces stress, helps you sleep better, and boosts your immune system. Being grateful also helps you become more optimistic and focus on what you have instead of what you don’t.
 
In time, being grateful becomes a habit that improves your overall attitude. The best way to develop this habit is to keep a gratitude journal. Each day, write down at least one thing that made you feel grateful that day. Be mindful of both the small and the big things. When you are down or feeling stressed, read from your journal to boost your mood and shift your perspective.

Guilt
Guilt is probably THE MOST COMMON EMOTION you may feel as a caregiver.
We all experience guilt when we do something wrong. When taking care of a person with schizophrenia, guilt can come from a variety of sources. However, it is usually related to the fact that caregivers tend to blame themselves when something goes wrong.

The guilt that caregivers experience has a multitude of facets:

The reason why guilt is so common among caregivers is that they often overwhelm themselves with a great deal of “oughts”, “shoulds”, and “musts” devised by their own self. They often have a pretty clear picture of how they should behave or act, and feel guilty when they do not succeed in acting accordingly. However, this picture is not always accurate. As a consequence, guilt often arises when there’s a mismatch between their day-to-day choices and what they think the “ideal” choice would have been.
 
Whatever the source, guilt can be a particularly destructive emotion if you are blaming yourself due to mistakes that are most likely either presumed, exaggerated, or purely human.
 
How to cope with guilt
First of all, learn to forgive yourself. You cannot be perfect, and you cannot be in control all the time. Even with your best intentions, your time, skills, energy, and resources are limited. So go easy on yourself and provide the best care that you can while allowing yourself to be imperfect.
 
Second, lower your standards and set realistic limits to what you can accomplish. Instead of feeling guilty for not doing enough, look at the other way and appreciate the difference you are making every day in the life of the person you care for. Understand and accept your limits. Otherwise, you risk facing caregiver burnout.
 
Whenever you experience the feeling of guilt, it is worth asking yourself what might have triggered it. A firm “ought”? An exaggerated belief of your capabilities? Most importantly, you must recognize that guilt is unavoidable and get comfortable with not obtaining perfection.
 
Shame
Shame can be described as one’s terrible feeling of embarrassment brought on by the realization of their own inappropriate behavior or actions. Shame is usually triggered by not aligning to social standards, and it is fueled by the fear of being socially excluded.
 
Although we often use the words “guilt” and “shame” interchangeably, there is a clear distinction between the two feelings. While guilt reflects how you feel about your actions, about what you did (or did not do) to another person, shame reflects how you feel about yourself. Shame is a painful feeling about how you appear to others, and it is not related to your actions.
 
As a caregiver, the guilt you may feel stems from the stigma connected with schizophrenia, which manifests itself as criticism or animosity from people who don’t understand it. At the same time, your shame may be fueled by your own prejudices and lack of knowledge about the illness. The parents of young adults with schizophrenia often feel shame thinking that the illness could have been prevented had they been better parents.
 
Whatever the cause, shame leads to avoidance and isolation from friends, family, and society in general. But what is worse, shame also leads to avoidance of treatment: the families of people with schizophrenia are often reluctant to seek help to avoid feeling trapped and embarrassed.
 
In the long term, shame HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE,
increasing the risk of depression and anxiety. Such an undesirable event can also have a negative impact on your relationship with the person you care for. In the worst case, it can lead to the development of an unpleasant environment for your relationship that will only worsen your loved one’s symptoms.
 
How to cope with shame
The most important way you can deal with the shame caused by stigma is to educate yourself and others. Learning about the illness and spreading the knowledge will help reduce the stigma and will have a beneficial effect on you, the person you care for, and the people in your personal environment.
As for the shame you may feel as a parent, you need to stop blaming yourself. The theories that put the blame on the parents when a young adult was diagnosed with schizophrenia have crippled many families with feelings of guilt and shame, but time has proven that they were wrong. According to our current understanding of the illness, there is nothing you could have done as a parent to prevent it.
You must accept that no matter the connection or the relationship you share with the person you care for, you cannot control their behavior. What is in your power to do is to accept this reality and to be compassionate towards them. This way it is possible for you to cure yourself of the shame.
 
Anger
Anger is probably THE SECOND MOST COMMON EMOTION you experience as a caregiver. There are many situations that can lead to feelings of anger:

In these circumstances, it is not always possible to keep your emotions under control. You might say things you don’t mean or lose your temper. And while anger is a natural response given the hardships of being a caregiver, it can negatively impact both your relationship with the person you take care of and your health.
 
Chronic anger and hostility have been associated with high blood pressure, heart disease, digestive tract disorders, and headaches. Unexpressed anger that is built up over time can promote depression or anxiety, while explosive anger projected onto others may compromise relationships as well as cause them suffering. Managing anger does not only help with improving personal wellbeing, it also minimizes the likelihood of taking out the anger on a loved one.
 
How to cope with anger
Instead of avoiding anger, try to express it in healthier ways. Take the energy that comes with anger and try to channel it towards a positive experience. Ask yourself whether there may be a practical fix to the circumstances that anger you. Is a compromise possible? Would being more assertive (i.e., getting your point across firmly, fairly, and with empathy) help you feel a sense of control?
 
When you find yourself in a situation that angers you, try to remember the good times. Sometimes laughing at the absurdity of a situation can be a healthier way to let off steam than snapping. Another way to decrease anger, although a more difficult one, is to try to come to terms with the fact that your life has changed.
 
Most importantly, if you say or do something when you are angry, forgive yourself. Walk away and take a deep breath to regain your focus. Find constructive ways to express yourself, or talk to someone that you trust about what got you angry.
 
Resentment
Resentment is feeling bitter when you think you are being treated unfairly. In certain aspects, resentment is similar to anger. However, while anger is a sudden emotion, a reaction, resentment is a feeling of bitterness experienced when we let anger persist. Anger is natural; resentment is a choice. Thus, being resentful is choosing to keep the anger. It is reliving a hurtful experience over and over again. And while anger can sometimes be positive because it gives you the power to change things, resentment holds you back and can only hurt you and the person you care for.
 
Becoming the caregiver of a person with schizophrenia often means being suddenly placed in a situation that you didn’t choose and taking on an enormous task that you were not prepared for. In these circumstances, it is quite common to feel pessimistic and resentful. Because of the extensive amount of time spent on taking care of